What is Love?

A famous love song said, “I wanna know what love is…I wanna feel what love is.” Those were the same reactions I had before. What is Love? Where does it come from? Too many people had already asked. They all have their meanings and experiences. I hope they will not judge me after knowing my meaning and lessons. Who can define a “feeling” experienced differently? Who can even have the authority to say something about it? What keeps us from holding on? Is it the promise, the commitment, the love, or the hope that those promises and love will never lose? Goodbye, does it is mean the end or just a new beginning?

I loved it again. At that moment, I forgot about myself because “Love is all about “the other.” “Loving” means forgetting one’s self in a moment. Maybe it was why there were nights I could not sleep, and several mornings I just woke up early. I might not know if she loves me back, but I am happy she understood me when I confessed it. I fell in love when I first saw her. I was like an ice cream melting as the air passed, startled, silenced, and captivated. I do not know what to do. Am I going to move away again or pull myself up to her? Suddenly she appeared to me and asked my name. Suddenly, I cannot speak and or even say my name; instead, I moved away. I pushed her away from me. I did not show my interest and nagged at her, yet deep inside; I was hurting. That was our first meeting. We just parted ways without proper introduction or even a simple “hi and goodbye.” Did I keep on asking myself why? Why did I miss the chance of even telling my name or even asking hers? I tried to sleep a cold night full of confusion, asking myself why I did push away a person I suddenly loved.

She is a happy person… I loved the way she smiled at me, the way she talked to me.

I fell in love, but I was torn apart because I knew that I would never be caught from falling from the start. I once loved before, and they left me, hurt me, and caused me terrible pain. I was left behind with no words or even affection. Those were the reasons why I keep on moving on and continue rising from being falling in love. It has been a year since we have met. During those days, I already taught myself to forget her, and I already moved on. One day, I met her again unexpectedly in an unexpected time and place. She approached me with a smile and asked me why I was there. I returned the question to her, and we both laughed as if nothing happened in the past. I felt so guilty the moment I saw her again because of what I have done before. Will it be a second time to move away again or take the second chance of spark? Will I miss the opportunity again to experience friendship and love? Everything was all sudden. I realized everything was all “JUST ONCE” and will never come back. “MAYBE THIS TIME,” I could show my concern, even just a little act of kindness. I tried my best as we spent moments of laughter. We walked together, conversed, and tried to get close to each other. I grabbed all the chances, for I know it will be the last time I will see her again. I believed that we would be apart, and, in the end, I must let her go again and again. She forgave me after asking her sorry for what I had done since our first met. I remembered asking her, “If ever you have to make a choice, are you willing to choose to experience love, a simple spark of experience, and cherish that moment? Or will you choose nothing at all for, in the end, you will realize they were all the same, they were all just a pain and brokenness?” She said in reply, “I’ll cherish the moment because every experience is different.” “Will you choose to be with someone for just one time? Later on, you will suffer the knowledge that you will never be together?” She replied in return, “Yes, for at the end of life, we will be together; I will choose happiness as long as communication is there.” I started realizing that love is communication itself. They are both synonymous. When a connection dies, a relationship slowly gets old. Love demands something yet does not force it to anyone unwilling to sacrifice, for love does not mean possessing someone; instead, giving the other freedom to love you back. I always tell myself, “I would rather choose not knowing you rather than suffer the memory of losing you.” In life, we often must face the truth that “we often love someone whom we can’t have.” We cannot express many feelings, which we were the only ones who can feel it. I asked her if she believes in these phrases, “when lovers break and they turn to friends, but when friends become lovers, they move away and turn to strangers.” She told me she does not believe it. She said that “lovers should be grounded with true friendship because if not, they will just end up hurting each other.” True love is rooted in friendship. I learned that she does not move away from her lovers. She does not push them back, as I usually do. She continued, “They became my extended families.” I stopped for a while and said to myself, “We may not be meant for each other here; we may be in heaven.”

I remembered how often I pushed people away from me every moment I feel rejected; every time, I feel so unworthy and cannot go to their flow anymore. I told her, “Honestly, it pained me to think someday we will never be.” She replied, “Pain is always part of life.” She told me, “LOVE is a choice.”I suddenly replied, “LOVE is blind.” People chose to be blinded. They wanted to be blinded from the reality that it will not always be a happy-ending story in life. Others decided to close their eyes and think of love as if they are still on cloud nine, floating in the air and carried by the cherubim. Others tend to close their eyes from the moments they feel pain and hurt. They choose to be blinded by the other’s unfaithfulness because they believe their love is higher than what they see. We all experience love differently, as it is unique. We love people in their person not as “objects of our desires but truly as subjects of our love.” We may find someone more beautiful, kind, and caring, but any appearance of a new experience can never replace the memory of love. Our Love to someone is Simple; it does not demand anything but only their Presence. Love is like a pen writing memory in our minds and planting emotions in our hearts bearing fruits differently depending on those people writing and planting. Hope keeps us from holding on despite the many times of brokenness, for love is hope itself. Life comes to us not as fully furnished; it undergoes a process. Love does not mean heaven itself, but “heaven on earth experienced.” There were many stories untold that sometimes we are the only one who understands. The moment I fell in love, I tried to move away. It was because I was afraid that one day, I would just be forgotten and left behind. “There were a lot of decisions we regretted for a lifetime because we could never turn them back.” I made the right choice about her: to savor the only experience being with her rather than no experience at all. “There were many experiences that we like to return to; in the end, we realized we have to let go of them again and again.” Love remains, hope survives, and it is only us who can choose.

Where did love coming from? I experienced the fullness of Love in God. We can never talk about love without mentioning God, for God is Love, and Love is God. I hope it will be apparent to others having the same experience as me. When two love each other, it is God that unites them. Human love is imperfect until it reaches the Love of God that perfects everything. God perfects our fragile love. Love is a vocation. We are all called by God to love Him and love our neighbors as ourselves. Love begins all in God and ends up with Him. We may experience and say that love is limited as it is grounded only on what we experience. Others may say, “Love is a choice; love is blind, too much love will kill you, love fades, etc.” Sometimes, we cannot realize how God pours out His Love to us totally without limitations. Look all around us, and you will see how God bestows the world with His Love. The world is God’s Love himself. Sunrises and provides us sunlight, warming our bodies from cold and giving us the strength to start our day. The wind breezes and gives us air to breathe that let us live. Water is quenching our thirst and purifies us. Whoever rejects love rejects life itself. Whoever does not love does not live long.

Nature itself is the symbol of God’s Love for us. We live as we love, for a person who cannot see love around him chooses to die alone in misery and hopelessness. We are not alone since we are provided by friends, families, and loved ones that continuously warmed our hearts and energized our spirits. How unworthy am I for the Love of God because of my sins and imperfections, yet God chose to be blind for us? He closed his eyes for us to love us ideally. He never looked in our limitations and unfaithfulness but on the hope that we will return to Him after we have fallen. He looked beyond us and in the deepest part of our hearts, which is the Grace, the “delight on goodness” for St. Augustine. His love is good. Love creates and does not destroy it. Love unites and does not break. It is painful to love someone you cannot even see, touch, or talk to. Perhaps, it was also the same feeling of God, hoping that we may see his love towards us. Love indwells…God is doing His best to communicate his love to us, yet we instead chose to move away from Him again and again. Love is sacrifice, for love does not end on receiving but from giving oneself to the other without waiting for anything in return. Love was given freely, a gratuitous act of God bestowed to humankind, hoping that we love God in return. It is free, so it means it does not possess. The other lover can never be possessed because they have the freedom to love us back. I loved her… She all has the freedom to love me back. I am her friend. Thanks be to God.

This is an original composition and based on my own experiences. If you want to copy something or use some parts of the note, please ask @ reyesjosephalbert@gmail.com.

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